How to Handle School Anxiety

I’m Joe Romano, a school assembly presenter with over 30 years of experience. I’ve traveled the country performing school assemblies thousands of times, especially in New Jersey, Washington DC, Maryland, New York, Pennsylvania, and Connecticut. Each month I write articles like this to help busy parents and teachers.



In this article, I’ll cover some symptoms of school anxiety, causes, and tips to help you help your child. I’ll detail these topics for both daycare/preschool-age children as well as elementary-level kids.

School Anxiety: Preschool

Very young children often have a fear of the unknown. Being left without their primary caregiver is a big deal. Up to now, their lives may have been very structured and sheltered, with the parents or guardians always nearby.

But as very young children age, they begin to develop something called ‘object permanence.’ This simply means they begin to understand that objects and people continue to exist even if they can’t see them.

Bringing your child to preschool or a childcare center can sometimes trigger screaming and carrying on over the idea of being left somewhere without the comfort of their parents. They may also ask you to stay with them. Or even ask you if they have to go at all.

This may develop into separation anxiety, causing severe discomfort over the idea of being away from their caregiver. You can prepare and desensitize your little one gradually. Play games like hide and seek. Plan short trips for your child with an aunt, uncle, or grandparents. Gradually acclimatize your child to the idea of being away from you.

School Anxiety: Elementary

Elementary school brings a host of challenges to children. Social acceptance is much more important to kids at this age. Anxiety about attending school can manifest in many ways. First and most obvious is irritability about the idea of going to school. They may complain about it and act defiant.

Watch your child for physical symptoms too. They may develop stomach aches, headaches, or other problems. Anxiety and stress often wreak havoc on a person’s body. And repressing feelings adds even more stress, causing more physical problems. This happens because the person’s ‘fight or flight’ protective response has been triggered.

If your child has physical symptoms, take them to a doctor. Rule out anything physical like an illness. Once that is ruled out, it’s time to find out what is causing your child to feel this way.

Finding the Cause of Anxiety

Try talking to your child. This is an obvious first step but often the most difficult. If your child has anxiety so severe that it’s causing physical problems, they may be reluctant to discuss it with you. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.

You should also schedule an appointment with your child’s teacher. Sit down with them. Explain what your child is experiencing at home. Ask the teacher if anything unusual has happened at school.

Was there a conflict or bullying incident between your child and someone else? Did something embarrassing happen to your child? Even if your child’s teacher hasn’t noticed a change in their behavior, asking about out-of-the-ordinary incidents is important.

Treating the Anxiety

Remember that anxiety is the body’s response to feeling threatened. It’s function is to protect us. If your child feels anxiety, they feel unsafe in some way. This feeling can be triggered by a certain person, place, or even seemingly for no reason.

In some cases, removing the source of the anxiety can be enough. But since your child has to go to school this isn’t realistic. Though whatever incident that started the anxiety may have passed, some people still feel that response whenever they encounter the trigger or triggers.

If your child’s anxiety does not ease for several weeks, you may need to look into professional options. Counseling or medication may be a solution.

Give Your Entire School Encouragement

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